So aren't all Divorces “High Conflict”??
Daniel Gold • December 18, 2024
The answer is a qualified “no”. When a marriage ends there is always some degree of conflict, but the term “high conflict” divorce seems to be used a lot these days among both the family law bar, and “the bench.”
A high-conflict divorce brings additional emotional, legal, and financial difficulties. In my view, understanding effective strategies can help you navigate a high-conflict divorce while minimizing stress and protecting your rights.
What Is a High-Conflict Divorce?
A high-conflict divorce is characterized by frequent and intense disputes, often fueled by anger, resentment, or unresolved issues between the parties. B oth parties may find themselves unable or unwilling to compromise. These divorces may involve:
- Constant arguments or refusals to cooperate
- Accusations of abuse or neglect
- Complex custody battles
- Financial disputes or hidden assets
Strategies for Managing a High-Conflict Divorce
Focus on the Big Picture
It's easy to get caught up in minor disputes during a high-conflict divorce, but focusing on the bigger picture can help you make better decisions.
Having a divorce
“roadmap”
can be an essential to getting ahead of the game.
Prioritize the most important outcomes, such as securing custody arrangements that benefit your children or ensuring a fair division of assets.
Establish Boundaries
Clear boundaries are essential when dealing with a high-conflict ex-partner. Limit communication to necessary topics like child custody schedules or legal matters and use neutral platforms such as email or parenting apps to minimize confrontations.
In other articles and posts, I have touched on situations where domestic violence may become an unwelcome result. If you feel harassed or threatened take action.
Document Everything
In high-conflict cases, accurate documentation is crucial. Keep detailed records of:
- Communication with your ex-spouse
- Incidents involving the children
- Financial transactions or disputes
- Any instances of harassment or abuse
These records can be invaluable during court proceedings or mediation.
Work with Professional
High
conflict divorces often require a team of professionals to ensure your case is handled effectively. Consider working with:
- Seasoned Family Law Counsel : A skilled attorney can protect your rights and advocate for your interests in court.
- A Mediator : Mediation can help resolve disputes amicably, even in high-conflict situations. NOTE: GET REFERRALS NOT ALL MEDIATORS ARE CREATED
- A Therapist or Counselor : Emotional support from a mental health professional can help you cope with the stress of a high-conflict divorce. NOTE: YOUR THERAPIST IS NOT YOUR MEDIATOR
Keep Children’s Best Interests in Mind
Children are often caught in the middle of high-conflict divorces. Shield them from parental disputes and prioritize their emotional well-being. Maintain open communication with your children and consider involving a child psychologist if needed.
Avoid Escalation
Reacting emotionally or engaging in arguments with your ex-spouse can escalate conflicts. Instead, approach disputes calmly and focus on finding solutions. Avoid retaliatory actions, as they may negatively impact your case.
Utilize
All Available Legal Options, including litigation, if necessary.
While resolving disputes outside of court is preferable, high
conflict divorces sometimes require legal intervention. If mediation fails or the other party refuses to cooperate, filing motions and seeking court orders can provide necessary resolution and protection.
Protect Your Financial Interests
High-conflict divorces often involve financial disputes. Work with your attorney to uncover hidden assets, evaluate the marital property, and ensure that you receive a fair division of assets. Consider hiring a forensic accountant if financial complexities arise.
Custody Challenges in High-Conflict Cases
Custody battles in high-conflict divorces can be particularly challenging. The court’s primary concern is the best interests of the child. To strengthen your case:
- Demonstrate a willingness to co-parent, even in difficult circumstances.
- Provide evidence of a safe and stable home environment.
- Avoid disparaging your ex-spouse in front of the children or the court.
Conclusion
High-conflict divorces require patience, strategy, and professional guidance to navigate successfully. By focusing on the big picture, documenting interactions, and working with experienced professionals, you can protect your rights and achieve the best possible outcome. For personalized advice and assistance with high-conflict divorces,
ALWAYS consult seasoned family law counsel.
Call: 949-756-0684
Email: dgold@tldlaw.com
Disclaimer
This information outlines a few of the concepts that surround high-conflict divorce strategies in the State of California. It is not intended to be, nor should it be construed as legal advice for any particular situation. Please seek advice from TLD Law or your personal attorney in your state or jurisdiction.
TLD Law Family Law Partner Daniel R. Gold was recently featured on the Divorce Mortgage Strategies Podcast , powered by the Divorce Lending Association . In the episode, titled “ The Divorce Quarterback: Leading the Team That Guides Clients Through Divorce ,” Dan joins host Amy Valdivia, CDLP®, to discuss the importance of coordination and strategy in complex divorce matters. The conversation explores how successful outcomes often require collaboration among family law attorneys, mortgage professionals, and financial experts—particularly in cases involving substantial assets, real property, retirement accounts, and long-term support considerations. Dan shares insight from decades of experience guiding clients through high-net-worth and gray divorces. He explains why approaching divorce as a team effort—where the attorney serves as a strategic leader coordinating financial, lending, and legal professionals—can help clients make informed, sustainable decisions during one of life’s most significant transitions. Watch the full interview on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx7ruqT_IiU About Daniel R. Gold Daniel R. Gold is a partner at TLD Law and a California State Bar–certified Family Law Specialist. His practice focuses on complex divorce and family law matters, including high-net-worth divorces, division of business interests and real property, retirement asset division, and long-term support issues. Known for his strategic and detail-oriented approach, Dan works closely with clients to provide clarity and steady guidance through financially and emotionally complex situations. Learn more about Daniel R. Gold: https://tldlaw.com/our-people/daniel-gold/ About the Divorce Mortgage Strategies Podcast and the Divorce Lending Association The Divorce Mortgage Strategies Podcast is produced by the Divorce Lending Association and is designed for family law professionals, financial specialists, and individuals navigating divorce. The podcast focuses on promoting divorce literacy, financial clarity, and cross-professional collaboration to support better outcomes in divorce cases. Learn more about the podcast: https://www.divorcelendingassociation.com/reports/divorce-literacy-podcast.cfm Visit the Divorce Lending Association: https://www.divorcelendingassociation.com/
Daniel R. Gold, Certified Family Law Specialist, is proud to announce the release of his debut book, The Divorce Quarterback: A Lawyer’s Roadmap Through the California Family Law Jungle .
Accurate and complete disclosure helps protect your rights and facilitates equitable resolutions for property division, spousal support, and child support.
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